So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
