did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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