I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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