I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can you bring me the toilet please
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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