i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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