shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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