Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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