Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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