in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
