Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
