I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
