New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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