Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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