I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
