Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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