You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
