sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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