I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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