So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
