oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
