I wannas sexs uuuuu
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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