On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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