Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
