I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
