im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
