I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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