think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
