Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
