Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
