I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Randomize
