I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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