doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize