That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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