I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
where are you?
Hypothermia
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
