If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
