Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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