So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
