i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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