In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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