im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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