The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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