you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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