so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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