I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
