hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
