when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
