Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
