I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
