Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
