i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wear drunk well.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
