My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
