I would go down on you faster than GM stock
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
