You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
