just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
