I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
