I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
