She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
