Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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