i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
