found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
