The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
