I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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