I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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