the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me that man meat
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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