we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
